If I don't survive the night....

I am writing this blogpost from my actual home- not my home-at-school home, but my house-where-I-grew-up home. I live up on the second floor, and the window to my room overlooks a large oak tree. Said oak tree is home to some of the most sadistic squirrels I have ever come in contact with. I'm not quite sure what they have against me, but I have been the target of their fiendish plans for far too many years.

Now I know that I may not be the world's most unbiased observer. I dislike animals in most shapes and forms (except the stuffed, cuddly kind- those are fun). But, again I stress, these squirrels are something else. They have been known to lob acorns at unsuspecting passersby. "But," you say, "it is an oak tree. Acorns fall out of oak trees. You cannot blame the squirrels." Ah, dear friend in my head, that is where you are wrong. Because, I know, acorns do not fall out of trees at angles and jet-speed-like propulsions leaving bruises on your head.

I had hoped that the squirrels would have joined the geese in migration, or at least would grant me a reprieve for the holidays but I seem to be out of luck. As I settled into my bed with a new MST3K, I was terrified to hear one of their loudest attacks as of yet. The unholy demons were not just unleashing a firestorm of acorns at my windows, they seemed to be assembling an artillery on the siding with their little skittering talons. Crouching under my most intimidating hat, I poked my head out of the curtains to peer out the window, but alas, their camoflauge was too keen, and I couldn't see a single critter.

So, fearing for my life, I moved onto the only next logical plan of action. I called my dad. This is not the first time my father has had to save me from small, woodland creatures, and I'm sure it won't be the last. He gamely laced up his boots, zipped up his coat, and ventured out into the hailstorm of acorns and squirrel-ish fury. Only to find, nothing. Nothing at all. Of course, the moment he stepped out the door, the noise stopped. So, not only am I in danger of losing my life to these squirrels tonight, my sanity is now in question.

I suppose it is up to me now. It will be a long night of terror, artillery-fire, prayer, and the darkness that dwells in the souls of men *ahem* squirrels. Wish me god-speed, faithful readers, that I may see the morn, and that it may be free of the furry communist devils (acorns from each according to his ability, acorns to each according to his need? I think not!).

Too much to do

Does this not just make you swoon? Props to Seb Lester, here for the created typography- just so gorgeous! The perfect quote for the week before finals.

The awful, awful story of the cell phone case(s)

I love my cell phone. I really do. It has been my faithful companion for about two years now, and we really get along quite well. Unfortunately, in cell phone years, it is now somewhere around 78. Which is pretty old, for a cell phone and all. Functionally, it is great- all the buttons work, it still holds the 1000+ pictures I've taken of my niece and it keeps up with my habit of sending over 10,000 texts a month (sorry, dad!). However, Verizon has decided that it is no longer a viable option for cell-phone purchasers and since it isn't available for sale, Verizon also does not sell all the fun little accessories for it either. So, when my cell's cute little pink rubber case started looking like it had been ripped apart by the rabid zombies at Kroger, drastic steps had to be taken.

I turned to Ebay. Retrospectively, this was mistake number 1. After shopping around, I chose two cute cases that I really liked- one with little pink hearts all over, and one zebra print. However, in the hustle and bustle of life, I closed my browser without making a purchase... or SO I THOUGHT.

The next day, I began receiving emails from two different "sellers" instructing me to pay for my purchases. After much confusion on my part, I realized my fatal mistake. I had not realized that by clicking the "Buy it Now" button, I had actually bought it then. Being an Amazon girl, I had assumed that I was placing said items into my little e-shopping cart, where I would then receive at least 3 prompts allowing me to confront issues such as budget, need, materialism, the value of counter-cyclical spending (shopping isn't a hobby, it's a philosophy) before actually committing to a purchase. So, I emailed the sellers, explaining to them that although their items were really quite lovely, I hadn't actually wanted to buy them, I simply misunderstood the meaning of the button I was pressing. Needless to say, I was unsuccessful. So, this week, I received in the mail two new cell phone covers and a car charger (I actually needed that- it came with the zebra case).


Now, I know what you're thinking. "Come on, Meleah. That's not so bad. I mean, sure, you didn't need two cell phone cases, but now you have a back-up!" Well, well, well (I say to you), we are just getting started in my tale of woe. When the first phone case arrived (with the cute little hearts) I immediately put it on my cell phone and showed it off excitedly to all my friends. However, after a few days, I was ready for a change, and so today I decided to shake things up a bit and put on the zebra case. Simple, right? You are mistaken. After putting on the zebra case, I realized that it would not allow me to actually use my phone. That's right- my phone now looked adorable, but was little better than an animal-printed paper weight. "But Meleah! It's so simple! Just remove the case!" But you don't understand, friends in my mind! This case somehow managed to anatomically weld itself to my phone. I pried, I squeezed, I prayed and I pleaded, but this case was not coming off. And to top it all off, I couldn't even call a friend to come help me, because the case would not allow me to use the phone. Finally, one of my freshmen (and good friends) responded to my promised reward of a candy bar and was able to remove the case, although several pieces snapped off of it in the process. What an ordeal!

So, to review the lessons learned
1. "Buy it now" actually does mean "buy it now"
2. It is possible to enter into contractual agreements on the internet, even though you can't actually sign anything (yeah, I tried this argument with a "seller." I was shot down.)
3. My father should have listened all those year that I've requested a flame thrower for Christmas (I would have gotten that case off so much more quickly)
4. When in doubt, offer a candy bar as a reward.

Punk Kitsch

So, as my faithful readers, I wanted you to be the first to hear about this new trend I've found (or at least named), punk kitsch! Taking your great-aunt's crafts and hobbies, and putting a modern trend on them.

First off, knit bombing. For those of you who haven't heard of it, knit bombing is the new, environmentally-friendly graffiti. The "bombers" knit covers for unusual items and place them spy-style in the middle of the night-- forget kleenex boxes, think tanks.

or buses

or trees

Also known as yarnbombing or guerilla knitting (my favorite!) the bombers' goal isn't so much social commentary as making the sterile, cold cityscapes a touch more homey- how cool is that??

Although my friend Amanda has been warning me for years, I apparently missed the day that ukelele's came back in style. I remember being given my great- grandfather's uke one Christmas as a cheaper alternative to the guitar I'd been asking for, but I assumed they had died out around the time of the harpsichord. However, I was wrong and they are back in full swing and cuter than ever!

This apple uke ^ is my favorite! If you go here, they also have a snail, a pear, a fish, and a cupcake!


Finally, the whole idea of punk kitsch came from my friend Missa and I's experience with rebellious meditation. We both attended a meditation seminar last night and after leaving, realized that we had both kept silent during the debriefing portion because neither of us had followed directions and had been little zen rebels instead.

According to the Rebel Buddha,

There’s something of a rebellious streak in all of us. Usually it’s dormant, but sometimes it’s provoked into expression. If nurtured and guided with wisdom and compassion, it can be a positive force that frees us from fear and ignorance. If it manifests neurotically, however, full of resentment, anger, and self-interest, then it can turn into a destructive force that harms oneself as much as it does others. When confronted with a threat to our freedom or independence and that rebellious streak surfaces, we can choose how to react and channel that energy. It can become part of a contemplative process that leads to insight. Sometimes that insight comes quickly, but it can also take years.

So, take a moment today, and let out your rebellious side. Paint your nails a crazy color, dye your hair, try a new radio station, break your routine. Get out there and shake things up! Your sanity depends on it!!